if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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