Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
