I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
