Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Everclear isn't food dammit
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize