I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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