fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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