dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
