I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
