WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
