I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
