i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Thank you for not boning my boss.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
