No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
lol hangovers are for mortals.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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