Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
