if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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