So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
