i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Are my feet made of real feet?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
