I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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