im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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