I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
