do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
We are all done wearing pants today
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
