According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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