im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
