you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
