woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
