Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Randomize