maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
