i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
