This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
