she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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