Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
