You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
