the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
