I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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