Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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