You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
