I got chris browned last night
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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