What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
vagina is talking i cant
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
