What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
