what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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