Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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