Who wears a wallet chain?!
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize