he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
