One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
