Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
