i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
