They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
When did angry sex become our thing?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm bleeding and have questions
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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