New low: just hacked my moms facebook
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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