The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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