Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
