A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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