so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
