PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Green mimosas i think yes
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
