I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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