She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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