Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
