Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize