i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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