Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
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