Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
