I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
