i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
my shit smells like andre
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
