So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
