I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
