i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
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