I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
