billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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