Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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