you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
