Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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