she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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