Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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