Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
