My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
