He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
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