What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
