I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
