If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
