awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize